Especially the tennis, chess, guitar and all the flirting..

 

We are all connected:

To each other. Biologically.

To the Earth. Chemically.

To the Universe. Atomically.

        - Neil Degrasse Tyson

This note on my Pioneer's khaata with a spaceman floating around in a red spacesuit, with a strange green tint on their visor, and face hidden.. Stranger still was the white background, in stark contrast to the natural habitat of an astronaut!

 

Still this notebook has the best looks among all I have had yet. Very few pages written in. Puranjoy, my humble friend and roommate, has filled a similar copy as such, set deadlines, completed most, and felt bad on failing the rest, and now worries a bit about what lies ahead for his future, and his job.

I am yet to crack one. I have learnt a lot from hostel life. A very short but entertaining 4 months of hostel life, that I wish were longer, and actually would have been, had the events of the world taken a slightly different path..

A pandemic, a lockdown, another, and another, and then our enrolled course cut short to an year less than 3, and finally the late admissions that cut more days that could very well have been hostel days.

But even in this short duration I formed connections and many and its so good that I did it. It feels good to be someone who starts connections in a world that had mostly gone online and disconnected. And still the 4 months spent in 402 are far far better than those online connections. 

I wish the friendships and memories outlive me

Every kind of topic has been explored, talked about in the short time, or maybe not but it feels that way. 402's windows look over the girls hostel, and while most of the view is out of our focal range, and interrupted by dense trees, but it still stands as a joke. It will still do for those who come by and spend time in 402.

I wish their memories outlive ours, for nobody should have to live a short hostel live and such a short time spent with friends as me. Maybe I am over pitying myself..

But its okay, whats not okay is feeling this constant lack of energy, or motivation to do anything other than code. I mean its a necessity, and its used to be a hobby. It will become interesting again if I put my attention to it for long, for challenges are interesting moments of life. But for the moment it feels fake. I wish I could dance on stage with Bannerjee, Tonimesh, and Sudhir.. But you should know I hate that too for some reason. Leaving a mark is what I like, but why does it have to be dance on the last day.. I would rather have done something academically, left a mark, call it boring if you wish too, but thats me.. I tried to be a part of the technical groups, the clubs, but those people were all home, loners most of them, and much different people than these hostel dwellers. Oh the lack of community..

That hurts

 

But I did create connections, and that left marks. But I feel fake.

For when the professor said during the grand viva, that this guy(me) knows, but is just not being able to say the answers, and when he proceeded to, so much unfairly, tell him to leave.. And then they gave marks off their own wishes..

Puranjoy got less. He deserved more. Its not that he had made less connections but he had made less popular ones, staying in the shadows and helping people like a good citizen of the world. There was never good gossip about Puranjoy. Just silent respect, for everyone knows but nobody speaks for shadows. There is good gossip about me, who was probably their first friend at college. Who knew everyone loves variable initialization so much..

So while I who hadn't done a presentable project, but only a presentable presentation, got 10, he got an unfair amount of less, despite having done the most work that I could only do were I so so so diligent as that man..

That is why these connections feel fake. These connected people who gossip about me feel fake, their gossips feel fake, this party tomorrow feels fake, and Puranjoy of 402, and his self-imposed duties, and his well-earned job, feel real.

And this is why I would probably stay closer to him than anybody else the coming life. 

Well it would be an insult to friendships if I call everyone else fake. We did have our moments, and there is so much I learned from everyone.. And worth cherishing.

Especially the tennis, chess, guitar and all the flirting..

I wont add anything here and if I recall anything it will be another post, I feel good having written whatever this is, and so it stays as it is